Started From the Bottom, Now We're Here

I was never interested in health or fitness. I spent the entirety of my life eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, never working out, and still remained rail thin. I proudly wore bikinis, low rise jeans, tight t-shirts, never once being self-conscious about my weight or appearance, (except once in high school when a fellow student told me that if she was as skinny as I was, she'd kill herself -- but that's a different issue for a different post). When I got pregnant with my first child, however, my weight went from 115 to 165. I got very large very quickly. However after the birth, with the assistance of breastfeeding, most of the weight came off and without any effort on my part, I was able to get back down to 120/125. I still felt thin and cute and didn't change my eating or (lack of) exercise habits in the slightest. In fact, for a long time I saw anyone who worked out as a crazy person. People would run marathons and I'd think to myself... "they must have some mental disorder that inspires them to do something so ridiculous." Gym rats were weirdos, totally full of themselves and obsessed with superficial things, and I had no desire to be like them. 

Then, I went through my second pregnancy, and had my son. Both of pregnancies beat up my body immensely, but my second one was so bad it made it impossible for me to have any more children. I couldn't breastfeed; I could barely move as I recovered from the labor and the weight did not come off. Seven months after giving birth, I weighed 155 lbs. Now don't be so fixated on the number, as for some 155 is totally fit and healthy, but for me on my tiny, narrow 110 lb pre-baby frame, it was A LOT of weight, and it was all pure fat. I had no muscle to speak of - pure squish. July of 2017, I was looking at pictures we had taken at Comic Con that year, and I started crying because of how I looked. It really hit me. I felt like I was trapped in someone else's body. My self esteem plummeted and my marriage suffered as a result. I began to dress in sweat pants and baggy clothes all the time, stopped doing my hair and makeup. This wasn't some liberating "taking my life back" laziness. I simply felt disgusting and tried to avoid looking at myself as much as possible.

I don't have an exact start date. But I know it was the 2017-2018 school year that my husband and I had a long serious discussion about our health and being healthy and fit for our kids. We were both "older" parents than a lot of our friends, and knew we wanted to live long healthy lives for the sake of our children. That same year, my colleague Lorelei introduced me to the concept of ditching New Year's Resolutions and embracing a word of the year instead. She taught a lesson to our class on the difference between being interested vs being committed, and something clicked for me. So I signed up at Planet Fitness and started working out after work 3 days a week. I'd work out with my buddy Eric, do some light cardio on a treadmill or arc trainer and do some weight machines, then go home. This lasted over a year, off and on. I started binge watching American Ninja Warrior, and fell in love with the sport. I wanted to become an obstacle course racer, so I convinced Eric to run the Rugged Maniac mud run with me in November of that year (both of us were way more out of shape than we realized -- that thing almost killed us). Realizing just how out of shape I was lit a fire in me to buckle down and start getting more serious about my fitness. I'd been spinning my wheels at the gym, not really accomplishing anything, and now I wanted to make some real progress. My competitive nature kicked in and I let the goal of completing a Spartan motivate me to move forward. 

So at the start of the 2018-2019 school year, I switched gyms, signed up for another Rugged Maniac, and signed up for the Deliciously Fit n Healthy online training program. Never before had I cared enough to work with a trainer. This introduced me to the concept of macros, taught me how to build an at-home gym and workout in the comfort of my living room, and made me more conscious of how I was eating. Plus, it helped me understand more about diastatis recti (my abdominal separation) and how to safely work out without making it worse. During the 3 month program, I got down to 138 lbs and felt better than ever.

I finished the program at the end of 2018, ran a Terrain Race, and started 2019 feeling really good about myself. But my motivation quickly slipped and I found myself needing an extra push to keep going to the gym. This is when I signed up to work with a former student of mine, Cali Halaby, who had just started his own personal training business. With Cali's help, I upped my protein and calorie intake, building muscle for the first time ever, and successfully completing my goal of finishing a Spartan race in June of 2019. However, even with my ultimate goal being checked off my list, I still wasn't content.

First, my body fat was still too high. I was skinnier, down to 130 lbs, but I was skinny fat. I couldn't lose the pooch or the love handles and my clothes still didn't fit like I wanted. Plus, I wasn't functionally fit. There were several obstacles during the Spartan that were impossible for me to complete, and the punishment burpees were total hell. I had to take it to the next level.

This led me to where I am today, working with my third trainer, Chris Schenck at Tribrid Personal Training, who has created a customized program to help me go from skinny fat to fully fit. It has been more challenging than either of the programs I've done before, more restrictive diet, and pushing me to the point of failure every time I step in the gym, and I'm loving every second of it. I signed up for another Spartan Sprint in February, and hope to complete a Spartan Super next year as well. 

And there you have it - my fitness journey up to this point. I plan on trying to update this blog a little bit with things like:

• what I'm eating/how I'm eating
• how food addiction still plays a role in my life and what I do to combat it
• how fitness has helped my anxiety and depression
• the journey to becoming a Spartan 
• samples of my workouts and my favorite things to do at the gym
• how working out has helped me become more humble increased my faith

Anything else you're interested in hearing about, just let me know and I'll write about it. And if you've made it this far, you're a real one. So thanks!