The Life and Times of a Working Mom

(I wrote this in 2015, but never published it. Though my circumstances have changed, and much of my life is different and easier, I feel that many of these insights still apply for so many, so I thought it was still worth publishing now.)

I don't blog enough. I guess I find it hard to update regularly because I don't want to write unless I have something important to say. Not just something mildly important -- that's what Facebook status updates are for -- but something worthwhile, you know? If I'm going to sit down and compose something, it better be good. It better be boiling inside my chest, dying to get out and into prose. I guess this is one of those things, something I've wanted to write about for a long time.

I hate being a working mom. I feel like working moms don't get enough recognition. We should have many more perks and amenities than we do. Shoot, we should have our own dang parade once a month just for making it another thirty days without having a break down! But we don't. I'd even settle for a simple recognition, like "hey, I know it's really hard doing what you do but you're a rockstar so keep going!" ... To be fair, I have amazing people in my life who do their best to recognize the greatness in not only me but countless others like me, and to those people I say thank you for encouraging greatness. But not everyone is as lucky as I am, and many never hear a simple, and well-deserved thank you.

Let me be clear. My rantings and ravings about being a working mom are not meant in any way to take away from anyone who is a stay-at-home mom. You work full time too and I 100% appreciate you. In fact, in many ways, I envy you. Please do not see this as an attempt to start a mommy war.

I, however, sometimes feel as though I work full time and then some. Being a parent, mother or father, is a full time job. You never get a day off, never get a break. But adding ANOTHER full-time job on top of that truly is the equivalent of working two full time jobs, you feel me?! Or, if you're a teacher like me who has to pick up extra writing gigs or contracting opportunities on the side to make extra income, you may be working three or four jobs at a time. Not to mention volunteering at church or in the community. It can get very exhausting, very quickly. 

I say being a working mom is difficult, but really, being a working dad is just as hard. I see the toll it takes on my husband who leaves while it's dark and gets home when it's dark and wants nothing more than to spend time with his precious daughter. I remember growing up with a father who worked graveyard shifts and struggled to stay awake in the mornings just so he could watch cartoons with me. Dads have it just as hard, if not harder, because they tend to feel the burden of being providers with an even greater weight and severity than us women (not always, mind you -- I'm purposefully speaking in generalities). I am so thankful for my husband and my father and all the other great examples of dads out there who work their butts off to provide for their families and sacrifice time at home to be sure their families do not want for anything. These men are incredible and deserve their own parade as well! 

This blog isn't about how great dads are, however, and it's not about how hard it is to be working mom, either. Rather, I want to provide a little insight into the life of a working mom who simultaneously LOVES and HATES working. Allow me to explain.

Every morning, I hate going to work. I hate waking my daughter up from her peaceful slumber and struggling to get her dressed while she just wants to sleep. I hate kissing her goodbye, whether I drop her off at a daycare or with family. I hate having to hear about cute things she does while I'm at work. I hate it when she's having a bad morning, and won't let me go, and I have to pry her arms off of me and sneak out the door because I'm running late. I hate feeling like I'm not as good of a mom as someone who stays home. I hate feeling judged, most of all by myself. I hate wondering if I'm helping her or harming her development in the long run. I hate the long days at work, when I am absolutely miserable, wishing to snuggle with my girl. I hate it.

But when I pick her up? I love it. I love seeing her bright, smiling face excited to see me for the first real time today. I love it when she asked me to hold her right away, when she runs up to me from across the room. I love it when we get home and she asks for "nuggles" while we watch a show and read some books. I love chasing her around the house playing "get you", stacking Lego blocks, coloring, and throwing balls outside because I'm not sick of any of those things because I haven't been doing them all day. My time with my daughter may be limited, but that makes it all the more valuable to me. She can transform my worst day at work into my best evening at home. I am a better mom when I am home because I go to work every day.

I suppose that's all there is to say about it. Just some insight, I guess, into my life, and the way I feel, and why I am the way I am, and why a lot of us are the way we are. We all have our own challenges, and sometimes we aren't brave enough to talk about them. So, if only for a moment, I had to take the chance to talk about mine.