How Social Media is Ruining our Lives

How's THAT for a buzzworthy headline, huh? This post isn't really about social media ruining our lives. Rather, it's about a theory I've had for a while now that I thought I would share with the world.

My theory has two parts. The first is that I theorize that social media enables us to "window shop" the lives of other people, and that this is destructive to our relationships and our self worth. Second, I theorize that social media interrupts the natural ebb and flow of life, bringing people and sometimes events back into our lives that were meant to no longer be a part of it. Allow me to explain.

The Danger of Window Shopping

We've all been there. The bank account is empty, we feel the compulsive need to shop because our consumerist culture dictates that things bring us joy, so we head to the store and stare down all the things we wish we could afford. Those who compulsively window shop, however, know just as well as I do that this desire to just look leads to a need to touch and eventually to own. Credit card balances begin to climb, closets fill, and life is still just as empty as it ever was because we simply sought to find meaning in things that are inherently meaningless. Okay, enough existential ramblings. What's the point? The point is that it's never okay to "just look" at things we want but cannot or do not have. There's a reason "thou shalt not covet" is one of the big ten. Social media is a hot bed of covetousness. It facilitates a daily habit of window shopping the lives of those around us. We see their houses, their cars, their vacations, their relationships, whatever it may be and we begin to compare ourselves to them. It is in our nature. It is hard enough to avoid this trap of comparison in day to day living but social media simply pours fuel on the fire. It is as though Facebook and Instagram are little devils sitting on our shoulders, whispering in our ear:

"Look at you, what a failure you are. You've never even been on a cruise, not like the Johnsons!"
"Look at that woman, so much more fit than you'll ever be. Why don't you go eat another burrito, you lazy waste of space?"
"Oh look at their relationship, so spontaneous and romantic. What's wrong with yours?"

"Look at the mom of the year! She never loses her patience with her kids like you do all the time."
"Look at that guy's new car! You can barely afford a new shirt; how does that feel?"

I won't even bother getting into the problematic nature of communicating online (nutshell: typing from behind a screen vs speaking to someone's face ... two very different conversations) but suffice it to say that the very existence of social media can be quite dangerous for the mental and emotional health of the individual. If you find yourself mad at your own life because of something you see online, might I remind you to 1) take a step back. log off. shut down. delete the app. go outside. and 2) remember that most people choose to post the best things about their life. I mean, the act of even creating a profile is pretty narcissistic. Few are updating with their own fears and insecurities, stresses and worries. If we all did that, you'd find out pretty quick that your life is freakin' amazing compared to a lot of these other weirdos you look up to. True story.

The Need to Move On

Here's the other issue I have with social media. When you move, go to a different school, get a different job, get older, get married, have kids, move churches, etc. your entire life changes in a lot of ways. The immediate circle that you associate with becomes very different. The only people I currently associate with on a regular basis that I also knew when I was young are my family members. Shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother like to lie to us and make us believe that we will have the tight circle of friends from birth to death but that's not how the cookie crumbles. Time, distance, changing views - they're all a natural part of the life cycle. We grow up. We become different people. If we stay the same throughout our lives then we're not really learning and growing at all. So what does Facebook have to do with this? The problem lies in maintaining online connections with people that we are, in fact, no longer connected to. There's a reason I don't hang out with people from junior high anymore. There's a reason I haven't seen most of the kids from high school since high school. We're different! We were different then, but proximity kind of forced us together. We learned from one another, we had shared experiences, but then we moved on. I think that's how it's meant to be. I have 765 Facebook friends. NO ONE ON THE PLANET HAS THAT MANY FRIENDS! I don't think P. Diddy has that many friends in real life! In real life, my day to day, I have like 2 friends, and they're my husband and my daughter. Facebook gives you this illusion that you have all of these friends, when really, without social media, would you EVER talk to them? Would you care AT ALL about what they had for lunch or who they're hanging out with this weekend? No. No you wouldn't.

Recent scientific studies have shown that the more Facebook friends you have, the more likely you are to have high levels of anxiety and depression. Why? That seems contradictory, right? It's all connected. More "friends" = more window shopping = anxiety = self doubt = depression. Look at right now, with the election season coming up. I bet you will find yourself hating people because of their Facebook posts that you probably would have liked in any other social setting. It is a breeding ground of contention. The entire concept is essentially flawed.

So what can we do? Well, step one is to unfollow or unfriend people that we genuinely do not want in our lives. I always feel a little better when I can delete someone toxic or simply pointless from my life. (Whoa, that sounded insensitive right? Wrong. If you met somebody once at a party in 10th grade and never saw them again, they do not need to be your friend. You do not owe them anything, especially not a window into your private life. Delete them off of social media. They are pointless to you. Don't want to be cruel? Then call them up and hang out with them. Buy the shoes or don't. Don't just stare at them through the window.) Step two is to make sure the people we really do care about know it. Call them. Text them. Don't tell them important details through social media, the same way 764 other nonessentials find out. If they matter, let them know they matter. And step three, log off. Get off your phone. Spend some time making eye contact with people and having real conversations. I find that just when I'm starting to really hate all of humanity, if I can have a personal conversation with someone, it makes all the difference. It's easy to hate a profile picture. It's not easy to hate a human being.

Overall, I think the world is worse off because of social media. Does that mean we're all doomed? No. I think it means we have a serious charge to use these things for good, rather than evil. We have to evaluate our attitude toward it. I think we need to have regular personal inventories about how we spend our time on these sites, and what we really use them for. And I think it's a good idea to "fast" from social media every now and then, remember what life was like before status updates and tweets and the massive waste of time that is and always will be social media.

And if this post sounded really negative, I apologize. I've been hanging out with Ron Swanson a lot lately.